Buck-A-Suck
by ShanaHollows
Summary: Natsu has been kidnapped by the most vicious of criminals - the Magnolia Police Department - to celebrate the ending of his bachelorhood! Unfortunately, Lucy has been kidnapped too...and so begins a wild night neither of them will forget anytime soon.
1. The Bachelor Party

_**BUCK-A-SUCK**_

 _ **Somewhere between Angel of Oops 1 & 2**_

 _ **THIS is how I'm ending Nalu Week - with a fantastically long one-shot that I hope you'll never forget! This is lovingly dedicated to Quite-A-Riot, who instigated the challenge to write 3 one-shots per day for the entire week! Thank you for getting my creative juices going - I have had a BLAST putting together these one-shots!**_

 _ **I was going to put this under the heading of Nalu Week Random Prompts, but since the story is 8500 words long, it deserves it's own title! VIVE LE NALU WEEK!**_

 _ **Please note I have Quite-A-Riot's permission to use Moon Drip in this story. ENJOY!**_

* * *

 _ **Buck-A Suck**_

* * *

He sat alone on a stool, his back turned to the lively nature of the bar.

"What'll you have?" the bartender asked.

"Something that will make me forget," Natsu said, "Something that will ease the pain of what I'm about to go through when they find me."

"Rough night?" the bartender asked.

"Not yet," Natsu replied, "But it will be when they find me...I'm getting married next week."

The bartender cocked an eyebrow, chuckling to himself. He reached up to the bar, sliding the mirror back to reveal a hidden compartment. A bottle of glowing mixture sat there. The bartender extracted the bottle, then slid a shining beverage to him, "This is called Moon Drip. Trust me. You won't remember a thing."

Natsu glanced down at the beverage wistfully, watching the bartender grin at him at he spoke in low tones to his colleague. She grinned at Natsu too, then two of the carried on about their business.

He sipped his Moon Drip quietly as he contemplated his life, vaguely thinking to himself that the substance he was drinking was remarkably...good. Now lost in his thoughts, he poured the drink down his throat, revelling in it and his dilemma. How did it get to this point? And more importantly, how would he get himself out of this one?

He'd escaped…just barely. He had been alone at his apartment, snoozing on the couch with his favourite movie playing on Netflix. He was damned comfortable and really didn't want to move.

He should have opened his eyes when Happy meowed and Plue barked. He should have realized something was off when the door clicked open, being that he knew full well that Lucy wouldn't be home for the weekend. But they got the drop on him. The next thing he knew, he was being bound and gagged and yanked toward the door.

Some police officers they were…

Natsu had slammed his foot down hard on the toes of two of his captors and taken off running. People looked at him funny, having his hands bound behind his back and his mouth taped shut with duct tape, but nobody offered to help him as he ran full speed down the street, finally ducking into this bar. Thankfully, the barmaid there was nice enough to help rid him of his restraints. He was safe…for now.

…or not.

"He's over there!" he heard a voice shout above the din of the bar.

 _So much for being safe._

Natsu cringed, wondering if he could bolt through the door before the group of men could get to him.

No such luck. Droy blocked the entire exit as the men surrounded him.

"There's nowhere to run, Natsu," a dark-haired man told him, "Just come with us peacefully…make it easy on all of us, wouldja?"

"I don't even know who the hell you are!?" he told the dark-haired man.

"Seriously, Natsu? You don't remember your best buddy? Your old pal? Best friend ever?" the dark-haired man gawked.

Natsu shook his head, glancing around the other faces – all of which he _did_ recognize. It was only the dark-haired person that was a stranger.

"OH WAIT!" he exclaimed as a memory flashed through his mind, "Are you that guy from the hardware store?"

He shook his finger at Gajeel.

"Am I that desperate for friends that you'd invite the hardware guy? Okay…what was your name…it was Raven, right?"

The dark-haired man grunted his displeasure, making the other men laugh.

"You're way off, man!" Dark-haired guy told him, indicating to the bartender that Natsu's drink was almost empty.

"Onward to business!" Sting yelled, "Natsu Dragneel! This is your last week as a single man!"

"Technically I haven't been single for 3 months," Natsu lamented, thinking of his blonde-haired bombshell that was out with her girls somewhere, getting pampered at a spa. It had taken all of her friends to convince him that he couldn't go with them, despite his promises that he'd be a 'good girl' and do all the treatments…as long as he could stay with his Lucy. Alas, the women had insisted that Natsu could _never_ make a successful girl and Lucy left with them. That was 2 days ago.

"Come peacefully!" the dark-haired man ordered, "Because this party _is happening_!"

Natsu looked down at his replenished Moon Drip. He could still feel it burning its way down his esophagus. It wasn't quite to his head yet, but it would have to do. He never understood the pull of bachelor parties. He got the concept – men getting together acting like idiots to see who could get the drunkest and help the marrying man bid goodbye to his single life. The problem was…he didn't know what was _wrong_ with getting rid of the single life. He loved Lucy. He would give up 1,000 lives if it meant he could be with her.

He swigged back the rest of the glass, slamming it down to the counter in fit of righteousness – he would stand up to these men…for all men about to get married _everywhere_!

"HELL NO!" he yelled, hopping off the bar stool, "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! FIGHT ME! ALL OF YOU!"

Sting gave him a lopsided grin, "You asked for it, Salamander. Boys – get the cuffs!"

About 10 men jumped on Natsu all at once, but Natsu swung wildly. There was no way they were taking him willingly. He managed an uppercut to Droy's jaw, sending him reeling backwards. One down. He kicked out, landing the blow right in the centre of Rogue's stomach. That's two. He whirled around, throwing his fists out wildly as the remaining men pounced on him, wrestling him to the floor.

"I won't go! I won't!" Natsu was screaming.

Finally, the men backed away in a tight circle, admiring their work. Natsu _could not_ escape now…he had a 20-pound ball and chain shackled to his left ankle…and another one on the right. On his wrist, he was handcuffed…to a blow-up doll with blonde hair and really ugly make-up. Her cheeks were bright red and her mouth was wide open. She wore nothing but a bikini...a very _ugly_ bikini.

"Tonight is going to be awesome!" the dark-haired man exclaimed. He paid the bartender a very _handsome_ amount of money, confiscating the bottle of Moon Drip. Waving it to Gajeel, the officer began to read him his rites.

"Natsu Dragneel, you are charged with falling in love with a beautiful blonde," Gajeel told him, "Your sentence is to submit to your officer peers and get disgustingly drunk. You will be chained to Ms. Bunny Girl for the entire evening and you will treat her with the utmost respect. If you pop her, you will suffer severe consequences. We see you have a Moon Drip in hand. You are hereby ordered to drink _only_ Moon Drip for the remainder of the evening. Anything you say (or do) can and _will_ be used against you for the remainder of your life and possibly into your next 12 lives. However, everything that happens tonight is hereby ordered to remain completely top secret from said blonde female. Prepare yourself…this is going to be the BEST bachelor party ever!"

Natsu could feel his body being lifted so that he stood upright. For only being 20 lbs each, the iron balls at his feet were remarkably heavy. He glared at Gajeel, certain he was responsible for them. The men had donned an ugly gray dress that reached to his knees, covered in Lifesavers.

"They're calling," he heard someone say. Natsu glanced around, wondering what they were talking about.

Natsu cell phone rang. He continued to glare at the officers, all grinning stupidly at him. He made a mental note of who he would need to kill when this ordeal was over: Sting, Rogue, Gajeel, Jet, Droy, Nab, Gildarts, Vijeeter, Macao, Wakaba…and dark-haired guy (who in the _hell_ was he anyway?) Oh yes…they were going to rue this day…all of them.

He checked the call display, his eyes lighting up as he realized it was Lucy, calling him from her Girls' Weekend in Crocus.

"You have 5 minutes to talk to your love," Dark-haired guy told him, "And then we're cutting you off from her for the rest of the night."

Natsu glared at him, pressing the 'Answer Call' button.

"Hi baby!" she whispered, "I just wanted to check in and tell you I love you…no matter what."

"Luce, are you okay?" he asked, alarmed.

"I'm actually in a lot of trouble," she whispered, "but don't worry…I'm safe."

"That makes no sense!" Natsu pleaded, "Please! Tell me what's going on? Why are you whispering?"

"I'm being stalked," she told him hurriedly, "Oh my Mavis…they _found_ me! I've got to go! I love you!"

The line went dead, Natsu panicking as he tried to hit redial.

Wakaba grabbed the cell phone right out of his hand, " _I'll_ take that for the night!"

"Relax, Dragneel!" Jet beamed, "The girls _did_ take Lucy to Crocus to the spa for a couple days...but tonight, they're back in Magnolia and Lucy will be treated to a wild night of debauchery as well. It's your Right of Passage...embrace it."

Natsu's mouth dropped open.

"Don't look at us like that!" the dark-haired man exclaimed, "She'll be fine, but there will be no more contact between the two of you."

" _WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU_?" Natsu yelled at him.

Dark-haired man just laughed.

Wakaba stuck the phone in a plastic bag, "I'll just take this out to the trunk of my car now."

"First order of business!" Gajeel announced, drawing Natsu's attention back to him, "Your girlfriend's name is Bunny! You will respect her and treat her like you would Lucy. She will go everywhere you go… and tonight (or tomorrow...depending on how you look at it) when you go to bed, she goes with you!"

Natsu cringed, looking at the ugly blonde on his arm.

"Second rule!" Sting cut in, motioning the bartender over, "Every time you say Lucy's name, you have to drink 3 shots in a row!"

Natsu's eyes widened. He could hold his alcohol, but even _he_ had to admit, every 2nd word out of his mouth was _Lucy_.

"Third rule!" Macao bellowed from the back of the crowd, "Every time one of us says 'marry', you have to take an article of clothing off! When you run out of clothing, we start putting on makeup."

The men howled. Natsu wasn't wearing much to begin with. He only had on a t-shirt and shorts (with some boxers underneath) and the shirt they'd forced him to wear.

Natsu was starting to panic now.

"Fourth rule!" dark-haired guy injected through the laughter, "Your shirt says, 'Buck-A-Suck'. You will give any money you make to me for safe-keeping."

The men started hollering their approval, making the already loud bar even louder.

"Fifth rule!" Vijeeter yelled in his ear, "Any proceeds you make during the evening will go toward your honeymoon!"

"Proceeds?" Natsu exclaimed, "What proceeds? How many Lifesavers ARE there?"

"Five dozen!" Sting stated, the grin on his face threatening to split it in half.

"What the fuck?" Natsu yelled, "What else do you have planned?"

"You'll just have to wait and see," Gildarts told him, slapping him on the back.

The men whooped, drowning out his protests. Natsu sighed, resigning himself to the fact that he would placate his friends by being a good sport.

"Last rule!" Sting shouted, "HAVE FUN! You're not getting out of this, so go with the flow! Rogue and Jet are our designated drivers! What happens on this night, _stays_ on this night!"

The men cheered, gathering around Natsu and slapping him on the back. The rest of the bar was watching the rowdiness, laughing at Natsu's ugly gray dress that was beautifully decorated with Lifesavers. Each of the men had written obscene comments in various places around the dress in permanent marker. Natsu could only read the comment on his left pectoral pocket, 'Buck-A-Suck! Suck but don't touch."

"May I?" Rogue asked the bartender. The bartender nodded, and Rogue jumped up onto the bar.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" he announced loudly, bringing the bar to a halt, "We are all representatives from the Magnolia Police Department! Behold – NATSU DRAGEEL IS GETTING MARRIED! Please feel free to approach him with well wishes, advice, and donations to his honeymoon – cops get paid _shit!_ "

The entire bar erupted into loud cheers as Sting and Gildarts pushed Natsu up onto the bar too, helping him bring the heavy weights on his ankles to the bartop.

"Also, while I'm up here," Rogue continued as Sting and Gildarts encouraged Natsu to turn in a circle so his back faced the crowd, "Ladies – please note the shirt! It's A-Buck-A-Suck! NO TOUCHING! JUST SUCKING! Lineup starts now!"

Commotion echoed throughout the bar as Rogue jumped off the bartop, then turned to help Natsu down. Ladies were lining up already, making Natsu's eyes grow wide.

"That'll be $1 minimum donation please!" Vijeeter called out, accepting money from the waiting ladies. The black-haired man also collected money, both of them releasing women to pick their Lifesavers. A lot of them gave more than the required dollar, anxious to be allowed to suck the Lifesaver off Natsu's body. The women lined up, waiting for their turn so they could give him their advice…Natsu wasn't sure what made him more nervous.

Natsu turned bright red as one brunette chose the lifesaver closest to his belly button.

"I'm going to suck very slowly," she purred, "And my advice? Never go to bed angry."

Another red-headed woman sauntered up, taking a Lifesaver with her teeth off his shoulder, "Make sure you pay attention to her _every single time_. A woman needs to be loved wholly and completely. And the more you love her, the more she'll pay attention to where you need love."

Natsu closed his eyes, wishing…no _begging_ the moment to be over. There were 5 dozen Lifesavers attached to his shirt. He would be standing there _forever_.

"Do the dishes once in awhile," a blonde told him, sucking a Lifesaver off his stomach, "And throw your damned underwear in the laundry basket."

"A little flower power goes a long way."

Lifesaver off the small of his back.

"Provide the tools…but let her decide what to do with them."

Lifesaver off the skirt of his dress.

"Tell her you're the candyman…and she should try your lollipop."

Lifesaver off the buttocks.

He could hear his friends killing themselves laughing at the shades of Natsu's face - because it wasn't the same from one second to the next. He had his eyes shut tight.

"Chocolate melts in your mouth…and _lots_ of other places too."

Lifesaver off the shoulder.

Natsu was breathing hard, sweat pouring down his brow.

"If she wants the Skittles…let her taste the rainbow."

Lifesaver off his chest.

"This is good advice for me and Lucy…good advice for me and -" he chanted under his breath.

"LUCYYYYYYY!" Gildarts yelled, making the crowd go wild, "BARTENDER – YOU HEARD THE MAN!"

The bartender poured 3 shots of Moon Drip on the counter for Natsu as the ladies backed off to watch him down the shots. Natsu gulped, then grabbed the first shot.

"NATSU NATSU NATSU!" the crowd was chanting.

Natsu held his first shot of Moon Drip up to the crowd, then downed it, quickly chasing it with the 2nd shot. His eyes were burning, tears threatening to spill…that shit was powerful!

He glanced at the 3rd shot, unclear if he really wanted to down it now, but the crowd was yelling its encouragement.

"TO MY FUTURE WIFE!" he yelled.

"TO HIS FUTURE WIFE!" the crowd yelled back.

Natsu tossed the drink back, slamming down the tumbler with a satisfying clank.

"Okay! You're warmed up!" Gildarts told him, "And your Lifesavers will disappear throughout the night, I'm sure! Go dance with Bunny!"

"I'm not that drunk!" Natsu shouted.

"Fine!" Sting interjected, "Then I think it's time for the Scavenger hunt!"

"Scavenger hunt?" Natsu asked, worry crossing his face.

Dark-haired man held up a list, "You have 15 minutes! Get as many items as you can. If you gather half the list, you can choose to ditch the shirt. If you gather them all, you can ditch Bunny. If you fail to achieve one of the two goals…there will be punishment. And _GO_!"

Natsu stared at him for a moment. _Who in the hell was this guy?_

"What punishment?!" Natsu demanded, cringing as the men burst into laughter again, pointing at the watches on their wrists.

Natsu's shots were getting to him now. He grabbed the list from Dark-haired man, scanning the items.

· Woman's bra

· 5 sets of earrings

· A tube of red lipstick

· A tube of pink lipstick

· High heel shoes – red if possible

· A tampon

· A compact mirror

· 5 pens

· 5 business cards

· A Barrett

Natsu glanced at the women still waiting for the Buck-A-Suck.

"Ladies!" he announced, grinning his best grin for them, "I could use some help please."

The ladies cheered for him as he trudged back into the middle of them.

"I need a tube of red lipstick!" he announced.

One of the women was quick to hand it to him.

"Can't get everything from one group!" Droy called, "That's cheating!"

Natsu sighed, noting his colleagues were entirely too into this. Revenge would be a bitch. And he _would_ get revenge…on every…last…one of them.

Lifting his eyes, he scanned the room, planning how he was going get through this.

The beat of the music changed and half the crowd flooded back to the dance floor. Natsu's eyes lit up as he crossed the floor, balls in tow and blow-up girlfriend in arm. He whispered to the DJ, his relief when the DJ agreed to his request apparent as he backed out to the dance floor.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" the DJ announced, "Our bachelor, Natsu Dragneel, asks that you all help him with his task. He's going to dance and call out what he needs – please help him if you can, but you can only help once! Thank you!"

Natsu began to move to the music…not an easy feat considering the balls on his feet and the doll handcuffed his arm. She kept getting in the way. The crowd was gathering around, cheering him on. He knew he had to put on a show, so he grabbed Bunny's arm and spun her away from him. If he couldn't ditch her, he'd use her to his advantage.

"Pink lipstick!" he yelled.

The next moment, he found himself being pelted with tubes of lipstick. He picked up one, tossing it to Vijeeter, then glared at the DJ as he changed the song to something slower…a lot slower. Sure enough, Jet was standing behind the DJ with a cocky grin on his face.

Natsu embraced Bunny, the alcohol now definitely getting to his head. It made it a lot easier to ask for things…that was for sure. He kissed her on the lips – hard, then slow-danced with her, making sure it appeared to the crowd that he was grinding his pelvis against hers. The crowd screamed their encouragement...he had them right where he wanted them.

"I NEED A BRA!"

Natsu's – and every officer in the bar – eyes bulged from their heads as a couple dozen bras were tossed at his feet. Going red, Natsu picked up a white one and tossed it to Vijeeter, then dipped Bunny for show factor. The crowd was yelling their encouragement as Natsu danced Bunny over to the edge of the crowd, pausing long enough to select a pretty girl with green hair.

"May I have your earrings?" he asked seductively.

The woman practically tore them out of her ears to give them to him. Other women in the immediate vicinity followed suit.

"I am so jealous right now," Droy muttered to Jet and Gildarts. Jet sighed in agreement…Gildarts just grinned.

Natsu made his way around the dance floor, successfully collecting as many items as he could.

"TIME'S UP!" Gildarts yelled.

The music turned off, everyone gathering around to see if Natsu had achieved his goal. Natsu twiddled his thumbs nervously as Macao and Wakaba tallied his scavenge.

"Natsu Dragneel – you have managed to acquire the 2 different colours of lipstick, the bra, the pens, and the hair pin. You did NOT manage to retrieve a tampon, a pair of high heel shoes, the earrings, the pens, the business cards (only 3 collected) or the compact mirror! You have therefore FAILED this challenge!"

"Wait – I got the earrings!" Natsu argued, "That's half the list!"

Nab shook his head, showing Natsu the earrings, "There's four and a half pairs…but you're missing one earring!"

Natsu's mouth dropped open in horror as the entire bar burst out in a combination of laughter and chanting.

"We will meet you in the middle," Dark-haired man told him, a twinkle in his eyes, "You can ditch the shirt for the next event…but you're still getting punished."

Natsu shook his head, his eyes wide, "What punishment? What in the hell are you going to do to me? _And who the hell are you?_ "

"We're going to tie you to a lamp post outside and you have to beg the passersby for money. You have to make $30 – and you're not allowed to accept any bills. Coins only," Wakaba explained.

"Mavis," Natsu whispered.

"You're gonna _marry_ Lucy!" Macao called out, grinning.

Sting took Natsu's Lifesaver shirt off.

"SHUT UP!" Natsu yelled, "Shit…Lucy is going to kill me. Lucy is going to FREAK when she finds out about this!"

"LUCYYYYYY!" Gajeel bellowed, motioning to the bartender.

Natsu took all six shots. He was going to need to be good and drunk if he was going to be publicly humiliated into getting 'bailed' out from the light pole.

"Marry!" Gildarts chuckled.

Natsu's T-shirt came off too.

"Marry!" someone else called out.

"Marry!" another yelled.

"C'mon guys…lemme keep my shorts," Natsu begged.

"Oh, hell no!" Nab laughed.

"Marry!" Jet called out, "And you know the rules! When you run outta clothes, we get to start putting make-up on!"

Off came the shorts…and out came the tubes of lipstick Natsu himself had gathered. Laughing their heads off, the cops treated Natsu to a makeover, using the pink lipstick as eyeliner and blush, and the red lipstick for his lips.

"You can keep your underwear," Dark-haired guy told him, slapping away Gildarts hand as he tried to take them from Natsu, "We're not trying to humiliate you. We're just having fun. UNDERWEAR STAYS ON, PEOPLE!"

The ladies groaned their disappointment.

Natsu hung his head in defeat as he was lead outside. Luckily, the alcohol was seriously affecting him now and he was stumbling a bit. Chances were, he wouldn't remember much of this in the morning at this rate.

"We'll be back for you!" Sting promised, "We have to go catch up on our alcohol! It's unfair you're the only drunk person here!"

Rogue finished tying Natsu to the lamp post, everyone laughing as they disappeared down the street.

* * *

Half an hour later, the men came back, happily as drunk as Natsu had been when they tied him there. Natsu was bound (in nothing but his boxers) with handcuffs, his 'girlfriend' bound as well. Someone had stuck a banana in her wide-open mouth. A sign hung at the bottom of his feet, reading "I'm getting married – alms for the honeymoon – coins only please. I need to make $30.00."

The alcohol had definitely gone to his head. He was singing at the top of his lungs. It was supposed to be "Going To the Chapel", but Natsu was so drunk, he wasn't getting any of the words right.

 _GOOooooing to the Chapel_

 _Gonnnnna Marry Luuuuuusssshhhhiii_

"We should probably limit his alcohol intake for awhile," Sting suggested, "We don't want him to get alcohol poisoning."

 _GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOING to the Chapel_

 _Of LUCEEEEE LOOOOOOOVEEE_

"Ha ha!" Droy pulled out his cell and took a picture, "He's so wrecked!"

"Holy shit!" Wakaba laughed, taking a long puff off his cigarette, glancing at the money in the ice cream bucket they'd given Natsu to use for his 'alms', "There's way more than $30.00 here! Like infinitely more!"

"Let's get him down, then!" Rogue suggested, "We have another stop to make…"

Dark-haired man handed him a bottle of water.

Natsu grinned, his eyes practically rolling around in his head, "Sounfs food ta be. Hey, Dark-haired perthon...you da karaaaaaoke guy?"

Dark-haired guy laughed, smacking him on the back, "Keep guessing, Flame-Brain."

* * *

They had blindfolded him, but he was pretty sure it was a bar based on the stench of alcohol and body sweat and the riotous noise around him even before they entered the stiflingly hot environment.

He was lead to a chair and seated in it. Someone handed him another shot - Moon Drip this time - which he gratefully tossed back since he was sobering slightly. He had a feeling he would need to be drunk again…very quickly.

As if on cue, Dark-haired man removed his blindfold, grinning ear-to-ear as Natsu blinked, getting his first glance at his surroundings.

"A _strip bar?"_ he exclaimed, going beat red, "Lucy is going to kill me!"

"LUCCCYYYYY!" Gildarts exclaimed.

Immediately, 3 shots were placed in front of him. Natsu looked down, realizing he was wearing the Buck-A-Suck dress again. Bunny was seated at his side, mouth wide open as always...the banana was gone.

"What?" Droy demanded when he caught Natsu staring, "I got hungry!"

"I thought we were done with that part of the night!" he exclaimed, glancing from face-to-exuberant-face of his so-called friends, gesturing to his dress and ankle weights.

"You had your reprieve!" Rogue bellowed over the music, "At all other times, Buck-A-Suck and Bunny and balls are legit!"

Natsu groaned as the lights dimmed, all the men taking their seats to watch the oncoming show.

Three women sauntered onto the stage, wearing pretty much nothing. They began their show and Natsu did everything he could to look _anywhere_ but at the stage.

Dark-haired man was reading a list and Gajeel was busy making sure everyone had a drink for the toast they'd do in a moment, but everyone else was glued to the stage as the poles descended onto the stage.

"BACHELOR PARTY!" Jet yelled to the stage, pointing at Natsu.

Natsu turned bright red, admiring the red nail polish someone had painted his toes with at some point earlier in the night.

"Bachelor party!" one of the girls on stage exclaimed. The three girls sauntered down to the floor, running their hands over Natsu's abs and forearms before pulling him to his feet, shocked when they realized he was chained to two balls of iron. Grinning, they dragged him up anyway.

"Well, HELLO there, Bachelor!" one of the girls said, as someone brought a chair up onto the stage for Natsu to sit in. The girls surrounded him, several more coming out from the back as they handed Dark-haired man a twenty-dollar bill and proceeded to take Lifesavers off his dress.

"My name," a voluptuous young brunette announced into the microphone, "is Risley…and here at Heel's, we take Bachelor Parties very seriously."

She slinked down beside him, gazing up at his more than embarrassed expression.

"What your lady's name?" she asked into the microphone, staring directly into Natsu's eyes.

"I can't tell you that," Natsu said with a straight face as she moved on to his lap.

"Well, why not?" Risley asked.

"If I say her name, then I have to drink more Moon Drip," Natsu told her.

Risley stood up, waving her hand to the bartender, "Bring a damned pitcher, Bartender - on the house! We're gonna make this canary sing!"

The crowd went wild as another chair was brought for her to sit on the stage beside Natsu.

"Her name!" Risley demanded, already pouring out shots of the Moon Drip.

Natsu caught the gleam in the corner of Risley's eye. She wasn't going to try to humiliate him...she was just going to entertain the crowd. She had kind eyes, making Natsu believe he could play along with her and he wouldn't have to do something he'd regret in the morning.

"Lucy!" Natsu drawled, grabbing the first shot of Moon Drip on his own accord. He drained it back, making eye contact with Risley again to show he would appreciate being let off the hook if he cooperates with her conversation.

"Lucy!" Risley repeated to the crowd, "And how long have you been with Lucy?"

"2 1/2 months!" Natsu announced proudly, his face beaming with the love he felt for his Lucy.

"Only 2 1/2 months?" Risley asked, almost forgetting about the crowd watching them, "Isn't that a little fast?"

Natsu shook his head vigorously, "Not when you know without a doubt that your souls are connected. It's like she literally completes me...makes my life worth living. Every aspect of my life revolves around her."

"You love her," Risley stated, her face changing to that of envy, "I can see that by looking at you..."

Natsu nodded, "I would die for her."

Risley snapped out of her reverie after a moment, "Okay, Natsu! Normally, we at Heel's have a very special show for bachelors, including a lap dance and maybe even a shower."

The girls lined up behind Natsu shouted out their enthusiasm. Natsu couldn't see his friends in the crowd due to the spotlight in his eyes, but a lot of them were screaming out their support as Risley came forward, revealing a red Jiffy marker.

"You love your girl," Risley yelled to the crowd, "And I can tell you're kind of...vanilla...so we're not going to do that to you today."

Natsu glanced at her, his eyes widening.

"Instead!" Risley called out as each lady beside her also adorned markers of various colours, "We're just all gonna sign your ass!"

The crowd went wild, freaking out with voicing their approval while Natsu was relieved of his blow up doll and pushed over the chair. They made a production of lowering his shorts down over his ass, making sure it _only_ went down over his ass.

Risley went first, signing her name with a message of, "You've got a keeper, Lucy! Hope you're very happy together!"

Natsu was pretty sure he was going to die of embarrassment, but thanked Mavis that Risley had been so lenient on him. He'd heard of another bachelor party recently where it definitely an area _other_ than the ass that was signed...and danced on...and the bachelor ended up single within the week.

He weathered the production well as each stripper took her turn signing his ass one by one, each making sure to leave respectful well wishes to Lucy as well. Finally, they pulled Natsu to his feet, turning him so that his ass faced the crowd. The cheers of the crowd threatened to break any and all windows in the establishment.

Natsu pulled his shorts up, sticking out his arm for Bunny to be re-handcuffed to him. The girls exited the stage amidst the last gales of laughter and cheering.

"I am _so jealous_ right now," Droy said to Jet, who nodded as Natsu left the stage.

"We're done here!" Dark-haired man announced.

 _Who in the hell WAS he?_

"But you're gonna like the next stop," Sting promised.

Natsu was still beat red. He closed his eyes, thinking of his blonde-haired beauty...also currently wandering the streets of Magnolia. He said a silent prayer for her, hoping that she was faring better than he was.

* * *

"We can take these off now too," Sting said, bending down to unlock the hinges on his ankle cuffs.

Natsu sighed happily, stretching out his legs.

"And Bunny can go," Gajeel added, reaching for the blow-up doll, "At least while you're eating."

"Nah," Natsu slurred, turning the doll away from Gajeel, "Sheee can stsay fer awhile."

His shots at the strip bar had gone to his head again.

Gildarts chuckled, snapping another picture for the scrapbook that would be kept at the station, safe from Lucy's eyes…but definitely available to anyone within the Police Department family who really wanted to have a good look while at the station.

The suite the police had rented was far beyond Natsu's expectations. It was a top floor of a hotel with 8 bedrooms and multiple pullout couches in the living room. It had a full kitchen with an island, two hot tubs outside on the deck, and at least 4 bathrooms. Room service had already been up, delivering hot food in the form of chicken wings, ribs, fries, onion rings, and a heaping plate of nachos. Sting moved them to the living room table while Natsu explored the place.

"It's nicer than my house!" Natsu exclaimed as he claimed the master bedroom for himself. Nobody argued with that. They'd hazed him pretty good tonight. He would need a good sleep…eventually.

Dark-haired man was limiting his alcohol intake again in favour of bottled waters so he wouldn't get sick. He was thankful for that – he would want to remember this place so he could tell Lucy all about it.

 _Now if only he could figure out who the hell Dark-haired man was!_

Everyone crowded into the living room, sitting on the plush couches. There were all sorts of platters on the table. Suddenly, Natsu realized how ravenously hungry he was.

"Did you have fun?" Nab asked Natsu, noting the makeup still smudged his face, despite the fact that Natsu had spent the first 10 minutes in the suite scrubbing himself.

"Oh, I had fun!" Natsu confirmed, shaking a finger at each face, "But you're all on my shit list. Revenge will be swift and unforgiving!"

"Yeah, okay," Dark-haired man lamented, "We'll all wait for you to deliver your shit-kicking."

Natsu studied him, looking him up and down as he shoveled food into his mouth, "I swear I know who you are…but I can't pinpoint it. Your name's Cloud, right?"

The Dark-haired man laughed, "Keep tryin'."

"Dip-shit?" Natsu asked.

"Fire-for-Brains," Dark-haired man shot back.

"Ice-dick!" Natsu jeered.

"Match-stick!"

"I finished counting the pole money," Wakaba told Sting, chuckling loudly as he took a drag off his cigarette. The Dark-haired man and Natsu continued to throw insults in the background.

"And?" Macao asked, "Did he make his $30?"

"Yeah," Wakaba laughed, "Times 5. There's $155. 45 in dimes, nickels and quarters!"

All the men burst out laughing.

"What about Buck-A-Suck?" Droy asked.

"That has yet to be tallied," Wakaba informed him, "But there's not a lot of Lifesavers left on the shirt. I'm thinking he's made another $100.00 or so, since almost everyone gave more than a buck."

"Everybody eat up!" Sting ordered, interrupting the miniature call-out, "Nobody should be ready for bed yet! Let's get some food in our stomachs, then see what other kinds of trouble we can get into!"

* * *

Natsu excused himself to go to the bathroom. He was mostly sober now and he determined he would not be drinking any more alcohol for the time being. Almost every scrap of food the men had ordered was gone. They were all planning to hit the hot tubs that were out on the deck, which suited Natsu fine. Maybe some of the marker on his ass would come off.

Even the bathroom was incredible. There was a deep corner-tub with jets and a glass shower for two with double shower heads. He made a mental note to figure out where they were when he left in the morning. This suite would be a great place to bring Lucy to at some point or another.

He thought about her again, finding slight amusement in the fact that she had run from her bachelorette party like he had run from his. But they'd taken her phone too, or so the men lead him to believe.

After he did his business, he went to wash his hands, pausing as he noticed a cell phone on the counter. Someone had been in the bathroom before him. He had no clue who it belonged to...but maybe he could figure out if Lucy was doing alright.

He made sure the door was locked before turning the cell on, happy to see the cell was unlocked and didn't require a password.

He scrolled through the contacts, grinning as he realized it must be Gildarts' cell phone, judging by the contact list where Bacchus's picture was dubbed with the capture, "Dumbass". Lucy's number wasn't in there...but maybe there was another way to see if he could tell how she was doing.

He opened the 'MagnoliaBook' app, scrolling down to Cana's profile and congratulated himself on his brilliance. The girls had been documenting their night with Lucy. It looked like she had been hazed pretty good too. She too had been shackled to a blow-up doll...a male one with whiskers and a giant dong hidden beneath a pair of too-small speedos. He was beginning to scroll through the pictures when he realized a new notification come up.

He scrolled to the top of the page, eyes widening at Cana's new post.

 _"The alcohol has been flowing freely! What's the best thing to do when you're piss-drunk and at a bachelorette party? Go skinny-dipping of course! I may and may not have announced the location to the entire bar...oops. There's about a hundred of us heading down the street now...this is going to be a night Lucy will never forget!"_

There was banging on the door, breaking Natsu from his reading.

"What are you doing in there?" Macao demanded, "Natsu - did you pass out?"

"No! I'm good!" Natsu yelled in a panic, shutting off the phone quickly. He tried to remember the exact place he'd put it down, panicking as Macao tried the door.

"Natsu! Are you okay?" came Rogue's voice with more banging on the door.

Natsu panicked, realizing if anyone saw the cell phone on the counter, they'd know he'd looked at it. He shoved it into his pocket, then opened the door.

"Geez, I'm fine!" he emphasized, walking straight past the men at the door, "Just takin' a piss."

"Are you coming in the hot tub?" Wakaba asked.

Natsu shook his head, "I have a better idea! Let's go to the beach."

The men glanced at each other.

"The beach? We have two hot tubs out on the deck and you want to go to the beach?" Vijeeter asked.

"It's too hot to go in the hot tub," Natsu reasoned, "What I really need is a cool dip at the beach."

Gildarts exchanged glances with Sting, neither of them buying it. Everyone knew Natsu liked heat.

"Okay," Dark-haired guy said, "I'm in...anybody else?"

Natsu regarded him again, "You're the guy who DJ'd that party we had at Fairy Tail at Christmas, right?"

Dark-haired guy gave him a lop-sided smile, "Keep guessing."

Natsu sighed in frustration, then turned his attention back to the task at hand.

Slowly, everyone nodded their agreement that a cool swim would feel good.

Natsu grinned to himself, then went for his shoes.

* * *

Natsu quickly decided that this may be his favourite part of the night. They had ducked into at least two bars on the way to the beach, despite Natsu's protests. He was drunk again, having said Lucy's name at least twice. Walking downtown with the people he spent the most time with was fun. The group was lively, jumping on each others' back for piggyback rides, and just generally having fun.

Natsu strained his ears as they got closer to the beach, trying to determine what the noise was. It was the undeniable sound of people yelling. The cop in him wanted to know _why._

 _"_ Let's go to that beach!" Natsu shouted out, pointing toward the harbour.

"Sounds busy," Sting commented, listening to the ever-increasing din as they came around the corner.

All 11 men halted, their mouths dropped open as they realized there were well over 100 people in the water...and judging by the clothes strewn all over the sand, the majority of them were women. Wakaba reached down, picking up a pink bra. He stuffed it in his pocket.

"Mavis," Macao whispered, "They're _skinny-dipping!"_

The women were laughing, squealing their excitement as they played in the water. Squinting his eyes, Natsu realized they were _not_ all women. There were men in the water too, most of them standing completely still, taking in the scene much like the awe-struck police officers.

"This isn't legal...we would break this up normally," Sting dead-panned, "Somebody...go break it up..."

The men stood glued in their spots.

"Hell with that!" Gildarts yelled, going for his belt-buckle, "Most of you are married! It's going to be a long time before we have another night to get completely shit-faced and do stupid stuff! I say we _join 'em!"_

The men glanced at each other. The next thing Natsu knew, there was a flurry of clothes flying in the air. A shirt landed overtop of his head, blocking his view. By the time he got it off, only he and the dark-haired man remained on the beach.

"You can't go in the water with those balls and chains," Dark-haired man told him, bending down to unlock them. He stood, uncuffing the blow up doll as well, "And something tells me Bunny here wouldn't make that good of a floatation device."

Natsu nodded his thanks as he bolted for the beach. He froze part-way, turning back to the Dark-haired man.

"Aren't you my driving instructor?" he asked.

Dark-haired man laughed, "You've got me. And I know you think it's weird that your driving instructor would come to your bachelor party. Just trust me when I say that you and Lucy mean a lot to me...and I wouldn't miss your bachelor party for anything in the world."

Natsu nodded as he turned toward the beach again, "Well, thank you. You've been watching my back all night."

Dark-haired man smiled, gesturing to the beach, "Go find her. She'll be very happy to see you about now."

Natsu froze mid-turn, spiralling back to ask Dark-haired man how he knew that Natsu knew Lucy was the beach. The spot where he'd been standing was empty.

Dismissing the odd event, Natsu shed his boxers and charged into the water, desperately trying to locate Lucy. The other men had figured out now that the girls' bachelorette party was here. He could hear a very shocked Sting recognizing his very naked wife, Yukino. He shielded her from the perverted men's eyes, screaming out that he'd arrest them all! The other cops were having a ball. Gildarts had found some cute redhead to chase through the water. Jet and Droy were turning every bluenette they came across, searching for the lovely Levy...whom they'd gotten to know very well upon a mission a few years back. Vijeeter couldn't move, frozen to his spot in the water.

It took about 5 minutes, but finally his drunken eyes zeroed in on his Lucy, covering herself at the edge of the bay in neck-deep water. He would recognize her hair and her chocolate-brown eyes anywhere - even in the dark. He started pushing through the crowd to get to her, having to go around Rogue and Laki. They'd found each other and were locked in a serious lip-lock. He supposed the danger of being caught skinny-dipping in a public place _was_ a bit of a turn-on. But not for him...he just wanted to get to _her_.

Lucy was splashing through the neck deep water, trying to get to him as well.

"Luce!" he exclaimed as they finally reached each other, embracing tightly.

"It's not what it looks like!" Lucy exclaimed.

Natsu laughed, "I'm not sure what other explanation there could be..."

She rolled her eyes, chuckling, "Okay...it's what it looks like. We're skinny-dipping. But a bunch of people heard our plan at the bar and they all followed us. I just didn't want you to think they were all invited."

"Strippers wrote on my ass," he told her, "You forgive me and I'll forgive you?"

She nodded emphatically.

Natsu glanced around the jumping swimmers, "I think we can escape, Luce...unless you want to finish your bachelorette."

"Hell no!" she exclaimed, "Let's get the hell outta here!"

He grabbed her elbow, steering her along the rock face for the shore, "Where are you clothes?"

She groaned, jumping back as a swimmer bolted in front of them, then changed direction.

"Up there somewhere," she gestured to the beach, "I think we should just take what we can find."

Natsu nodded his agreement, then halted, throwing a protective arm backward to keep her behind him.

"Mavis," Lucy whispered, hunkering down in the water as four police squad cars rolled onto the beach, sirens wailing.

Natsu pulled her against the rock wall, keeping her behind his back. They were out of the way of the headlights there. If they stayed still, no one would notice them.

Spotlights went up within seconds, illuminating all the people in the water...except for Natsu and Lucy.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN," a familiar voice called out over the loud speaker, "The beach is now closed to skinny-dipping. Kindly exit the water and report to the beach for your clothing."

"That's Alzack!" Lucy gasped.

Natsu chuckled. It was deep, dark sound - almost evil.

"Looks like all my captors are about to have a dose of their own medicine!" he cackled, "The cops have all been busted!"

True to his word, Lucy could swear she saw the bright red faces of Sting, Yukino, Rogue, and Wakaba even in the dark. The cops were the last ones in the water, probably a bit afraid to have to face their colleagues.

"What are they going to charge us with?" Gildarts demanded, throwing his arms high in the air. He was in waist-deep water. Some girls that Natsu didn't think were part of the bachelorette swooned, "Scaring the fish? Get lost, Coppers!"

Natsu face-palmed as several officers crashed the water, arresting Gildarts and beginning to herd the remaining swimmers toward the beach.

"Chief?" he heard another officer ask, confused as heck, "Um...Assistant Chief?"

Lucy had to cover Natsu's mouth to keep the snort from being too loud. The water was empty now. All swimmers were on the beach, trying to identify their clothing.

"Let's go around the rock face and make our escape," Natsu suggested.

Lucy nodded, taking his hand and following him into the darkness.

* * *

His head pounded. Even before he opened his eyes, he knew his headache was going to be one of those things that would plague him all day long.

Sitting up, he pressed his palm to his forehead, trying to get his eyes to focus. He looked down, realizing he was completely naked. He was in a bedroom he didn't recognize. His eyes shot wide open as he felt the bed shift next to him.

 _What in the hell had he done last night?! And who was in the bed with him?_

Natsu took a deep breath, then turned to see who his bed mate was. He let out a sigh of relief as he recognized the long, blonde hair splayed over the pillow.

"Natsu?" Lucy asked, rubbing her head much in the same way he had.

"Luce," he whispered in relief, kissing her forehead.

"Where are we?" she asked, glancing around the room.

"I have no idea," Natsu groaned, "The last thing I remember, I was trying to escape the guys. They were trying to kidnap me for a Bachelor Party."

Lucy nodded, "Same. The girls and I got back from Crocus and when we got off the plane, there was a party limo waiting for us. They gave me some drink called 'Moon Drip'."

"I had that too!" Natsu realized.

His voice was too loud. He fell back into the pillow, holding his head.

"We need to figure out where we are," Lucy said quietly, easing herself out of bed.

Even hung over, he admired her naked body as she searched the room for clothes. She stared at the items on the floor...the _only_ clothes in the entire room.

"Those aren't our clothes," she stated, picking up a flamboyant red-flowered Hawaiian shirt and a humongous pair of jeans with one hand. In the other hand, she held an ugly gray dress.

Natsu paused, reaching for the Hawaiian shirt and jeans.

Lucy slipped the dress over her head, Natsu gawking at the somewhat familiar messages there. The shirt itself was riddled with notes, half of which Natsu couldn't even read. But the message on the breast pocket was still there, plain as day.

 _Buck-A-Suck_

Natsu opened the door cautiously, peering around the corner into the empty living room. Lucy grabbed his hand as he ushered her out the door.

"I think we're okay, Luce," Natsu told her after a moment of studying their surroundings, "That's Wakaba's brand of cigarettes. And that sweater belongs to Rogue."

Lucy picked up a wallet, flipping through it, "This is Sting's wallet. We must be in the suite they rented for the party."

Both fell silent, noticing the double hot tubs on the deck outside...the leftover party food...

...the open door of the bathroom that revealed the shower for two...

"Do you..." Natsu asked slowly.

"...want to stay for awhile?" Lucy finished.

They locked eyes, then bolted to the bathroom, both of them laughing as the clothes that weren't theirs flew wildly to the ground behind them.

* * *

 _ **AAAAAND that's the end of Nalu week! I hope you enjoyed the stories as much as I enjoyed writing them. Thanks again to Quite-A-Riot for issuing the challenge! 21 - TWENTY-ONE - one-shots posted in 7 days! Crazy.**_

 ** _Angel of Oops 2 will resume posting next weekend. May you all have an excellent week!_**

 ** _~Shana~_**


	2. The Bachelorette Party

**_A/N: It's been weighing on my mind for some time now that we don't Lucy's side of what happened on the night of Natsu's Bachelor Party. So...here it is. Please enjoy and remember to comment at the end!_**

 _ **~Shana~**_

* * *

 _Natsu ran his fingers down Lucy's naked hip, kissing the crook of her neck lovingly. She leaned against him, sighing happily._

 _"Good morning," Natsu whispered, kissing her nose._

 _"Good morning!" Lucy replied, kissing the tip of his nose._

 _"And a beautiful morning it is," Natsu quipped, "The sun is shining and I get to wake up with the most beautiful woman in the world."_

 _"I wanna wake up like this for the rest of time," Lucy sighed happily._

 _"I can't wait to marry you," Natsu told her, settling his arms around her._

 _Lucy nodded her agreement, "We're going to have such a good life together."_

 _It was then that they heard the apartment door crash open, multiple sets of footsteps parading through their living room. Plue barked, but stopped right away, instead making happy panting sounds._

 _Lucy screamed, sitting straight up, the sheet covering her naked body as their door burst open. Natsu bolted out of bed, wrapping the blanket around his waist as he surveyed the room for his police uniform. He bounded over the mattress, diving for his belt and the weapons attached to it._

 _"Relax, Dragneel!" Cana laughed at the doorway, eyeing Natsu as he scrambled for his belt anyway, "Damn, girl! You are one lucky woman!"_

 _"SO LUCKY," Virgo exclaimed, straining to see over Cana's shoulder, "Anyway, not thieves…just kidnappers."_

 _"What the hell—?" Lucy cried out as Kinana and Lisanna each grabbed an arm and pulled her out of bed._

 _They dragged her to the living room, dressing her with the clothes they'd found scattered on the floor. Lucy's face was bright red, taking her underwear and bra from Virgo so that she could put them on herself. Natsu lumbered out to the living room after them._

 _"Lucy Heartfilia!" Levy stated, trying to shield her eyes from the very naked Natsu, save for the blanket, "This being the last weekend that you're single, you are hereby commanded to come with us, no questions asked!"_

 _She paused, noting the utter confusion on Lucy and Natsu's faces._

 _"Please," she added._

 _"Hold on!" Natsu yelled, "Where are you taking her?"_

 _"That's a question!" Virgo warned._

 _"To Crocus!" Lisanna shrugged her shoulders, as though it should be completely obvious, "We're having a Girl's Weekend! 3 days of spas…hot springs…massages…it's going to be great!"_

 _Lucy's face lit up, suddenly more excited at the prospect of getting 'kidnapped' for her bachelorette._

 _"But Luce…" Natsu whined, "We were going to go for a drive…and fish in our cove."_

 _Lucy kissed his lips then, "It's only 3 days, Natsu…I'll be back before you know it."_

 _"Well, can I come?" Natsu asked, "Please? I can be a good girl! We can do my nails and…whatever it is that girls do…"_

 _"NO!" Cana, Virgo, Lisanna, and Kinana all yelled at once._

 _"Sorry, Natsu," Levy said apologetically, slinging Lucy's overnight bag over her shoulder, "It's a rite of passage. We're celebrating Lucy's last weekend as a single woman…and she can't do that with you hanging over her."_

 _"I'll be fine," Lucy promised, "I love you."_

 _"I love you more," Natsu pulled her into his arms, kissing her longingly, "Call me when you get there, okay?"_

 _"No chance!" Cana shouted, "I'm taking her cell phone! For three days, she will be as pampered as a baby's butt…there's no reason for her to worry about anything…including you! Got it, Dragneel?"_

 _Natsu pouted, sitting on the couch like a dejected puppy. Plue and Happy both caught onto his unhappiness, curling into him sympathetically._

 _"I love you," Lucy said again as she paused at the door. The other girls were filtering out, tugging her arms impatiently, "I'll be back soon."_

* * *

Lucy smelled the clear air of Magnolia as she emerged from the plane. She felt completely refreshed and was more than glad she had allowed the girls to kidnap her. The weekend was everything they'd promised it would be. They'd spent hours at the spa receiving deep tissue massages, facials, manicures, and pedicures…and afterward each day session, they'd sat in the hot springs, rubbing each other's backs and gossiping about their various love lives. Yes, Lucy felt like a new woman.

"You've got your bag, right Lucy?" Levy asked from beside her.

Lucy nodded, starting down the stairs. The other girls waited at the bottom.

"Well?" Kinana asked, "Was it awesome?"

"I can't thank you girls enough," Lucy sighed happily, "It was an incredible weekend."

The girls exchanged glances, grinning to each other.

"I can't wait to get home to Natsu!" Lucy exclaimed, "So who's picking us up? Gajeel? Loke?"

The girls entered the terminal, pausing at the baggage conveyor belt for their luggage. Virgo brought over a trolley to put their things on.

"Someone will pick us up," Lisanna assured her, "Remember, we're back a day early. Natsu isn't expecting you."

"That's true," Lucy frowned, "Speaking us which, can I have my cell phone back now please? I should probably tell him I'm home."

"Yeah," Virgo hummed as she passed Lucy, heading for the terminal doors with the cart, "Just as soon as we find it."

Lucy didn't miss the giggles of both Kinana and Cana as they passed her. Levy grabbed her arm, ushering her along. Lucy didn't have a chance to protest as they arrived in front of a long, white limo.

"Ummm," Lucy's eyes were wide as she glanced from friend to friend, "I was really looking forward to going home to Natsu…"

"You won't find him there," Lisanna told her firmly, "Natsu is out."

"Wait – where will Natsu be?" Lucy cried out as the girls continued ahead.

"Lucy, when we decided we were going to kidnap you for your bachelorette," Levy said softly, pushing Lucy's arms as they followed the girls toward the limo, "We sort of…had a few arguments about what you'd enjoy the most. Kinana, Lisanna and I thought you'd need some pampering and girl time…"

Virgo appeared right in front of her Lucy, her eyes glowing with a glint that seriously…worried Lucy, "And Cana and I were more on board with another idea entirely."

"Another idea?" Lucy asked nervously as Levy relinquished her grip on Lucy. Virgo took her place on Lucy's arm, Cana taking the other. They ushered her toward the limo.

Cana laughed, "Hell ya. So, the only fair thing to do was both! First, we did the girly prissy thing and treated you like royalty…"

"And now…" Virgo grinned at her cynically, "It's punishment time, Princess!"

The other girls groaned at the horrible quip.

"Punishment time!" Lucy exclaimed, "What the hell? LEVY! This is a joke, right?!"

"Don't look at us!" Yukino threw her arms in the air, "We were neutral!"

"Neutral!" Laki confirmed with a curt nod.

Virgo pushed Lucy into the limo, the other girls following. They sat along the cushy seats, glancing at one another with amused expressions…with the exception of Lucy, who was horrified at the moment.

The limo, once Lucy had relaxed enough to look around it, was quite plush. The seats were blue plush…extremely comfortable. The entire cockpit was lit with blue lights. There was a bar fridge partway down and a large cushioned bed at the end. By the fridge, there was a stereo, which Cana was presently examining for a CD to play.

"Anyway, it's no joke," Yukino told her, "I have to live vicariously through you since I didn't have a bachelorette."

"Not _our_ fault you eloped!" Laki scoffed.

"Still!" Levy interrupted, getting between Yukino and Laki, "It's no joke, Lu…welcome to your bachelorette…part 2."

"But what about Natsu?" Lucy demanded again.

"He's out with the boys tonight for his bachelor party," Levy told her, "He's not expecting you back tonight, but the boys will tell him we came back early…eventually."

Lucy was stunned, but couldn't think of a single reason not to go along with their plans. These were good girls…they would never plan anything _too_ chaotic…right?

"Okay…so what are we doing?"

"First off!" Cana announced, "You need to get off Wilbur."

"Wilbur?" Lucy asked, glancing down.

She scooted across the seat in shock, her eyes widening as she realized she had been sitting on a blow-up doll…a ridiculously disgusting rendition of a man with a dark five-o'clock shadow and balding head, a speedo so small, a 2-year-old couldn't wear it, and a big gaping hole for a mouth.

"Oh, dear Mavis…is that his dong sticking out from underneath his bathing suit?"

"Yeah," Levy blushed, looking off to the corner of the limo, "Gajeel and I bought him at a 2 for 1 sale at Erotic Pleasures…sorry about that…"

"What were you doing buying 2 for 1 blow-up dolls?" Lisanna double over laughing, "I knew you two were gross, but…"

"Wait!" Kinana roared with laughter, "If it was 2 for 1, where's the other doll?"

"We were shopping for the bachelor parties!" Levy defended, "The other doll is at Natsu's party! Mavis! You girls are so perverted!"

"We're not the ones shopping for 2 for 1 blow-up dolls," Laki rolled her eyes.

"Says the woman with the biggest collection of BDSM toys ever!" Yukino shot back.

"And how do _you_ know about that collection?" Cana cried out, laughing so hard, she almost knocked over her drink.

"Our men talk a lot," Laki shrugged un-bashfully, "Or in Rogue's case...brags."

Lucy couldn't help but laugh too.

"NONETHELESS!" Virgo interrupted the gales of laughter, "Wilbur is your boyfriend for the night, Lucy."

Lucy's eyes widened as she heard the click to her wrist. Yukino grinned, securing the other side of the handcuffs to Wilbur.

"Ummm…" Lucy glanced to Levy, begging her with her eyes to help her out a bit.

"What's your poison tonight?" Levy asked her, purposely avoiding her eyes.

"To drink?" Lucy asked, "I don't know…"

"Then she'll drink Moon Drip!" Cana announced.

Virgo turned from the bar victoriously, handing Lucy a water bottle shaped like a penis, the straw protruding from the…

"I'm not drinking from that," Lucy stated flatly, noting the other girls had flutes of champagne.

"Oh, c'mon Lu!" Yukino begged, "Just go with it, okay?"

Lucy glanced at Levy, who nodded at her encouragingly. Shrugging, she decided she had nothing to lose. She sucked back on the straw, her mouth contorting into a cross between disgust and horror as she got her first taste of Moon Drip.

"That shit's powerful!" she exclaimed.

"Only the best for our girl!" Virgo grinned.

"I have to drink that all night?" Lucy queried.

"You'll be fine!" Cana promised, "Trust me! This night is going to be the best night of your life!"

"Okay!" Kinana announced, pulling out a large piece of paper, "Here's the rules! #1 – Wilbur is now permanently attached to you for the night!"

"#2!" Lisanna read from over Kinana's shoulder, "There will be no contact with Natsu."

"#3!" Cana yelled, not even looking at the list, "You're drinking Moon Drip…and you shall ONLY drink Moon Drip for the remainder of the night!"

"#4!" Yukino tossed back a shot, "Anything that happens tonight stays between us ladies for the rest of eternity."

"#5!" Virgo grinned, "Absolutely _no contact_ with your fiance."

Wait...had that not been established already?

#6!" Laki stated, " _Have fun_. You're only going to have one bachelorette in your lifetime…in theory…make it count!"

"YAY! We're here!" Yukino chugged back the last of her drink as the limo came to a stop.

"Here?" Lucy asked, eyeing Levy, "Where's here?"

Lucy flushed, trying to glance out the window, but the limo windows were blackened both ways. The door opened and the girls filed out one by one, Lucy struggling to maneuver Wilbur through the door. He was big and awkward…and his humongous dong kept getting stuck in the doorway.

Lucy's eyes widened, "Lev…are we…where I think we are?"

Levy nodded apologetically, the other girls gathered around with moronic grins as they gauged her reaction.

"NOPE!" Lucy yelled.

She grabbed Levy's purse, breaking into a run. She was around the corner before the girls even fully registered that Lucy had bolted. The girls started screaming at each other behind her and Lucy grinned, suddenly thankful that Natsu had forced her out of bed in recent mornings to run with him. Even so, Lucy realized she didn't have much time. Wilbur was dead weight, for a blow-up doll. He was seriously hindering her ability to be quick, no matter how much the morning runs had helped.

Lucy dove behind a garbage bin, willing herself not to breathe as two of the girls passed by.

"She can't be far!" Kinana yelled.

 _'Oh but I will be if I have anything to say about it,'_ Lucy thought to her, silently thanking Natsu for all the stealth-ninja exercises they'd been doing over the past couple months.

She mapped out the area ahead of her, noting bushes on the far side of the parking lot. She looked down at Wilbur, his mouth gaping at her...his tiger-striped Speedo shining like a beacon.

"Sorry, Wilbur...no offense, but you have to go..." she whispered.

Glancing around for a weapon, Lucy found a piece of glass. She pressed it into Wilbur's abdomen. He released a hissing sound before deflating rapidly.

"Shut up, Wilbur! You're too loud!" Lucy cried out.

"SHE'S HERE!" she could Cana yelling.

Lucy stabbed Wilbur repeatedly with the glass before finally managing to deflate him enough to slip him out of the handcuffs. She wasn't sure how she'd get rid of the handcuffs, but as least she was free of her donged boyfriend.

Cana, Virgo, and Laki surrounded the dumpster, closing in as quietly as they could. Making eye contact between them, Cana counted to 3 on her fingers, all three of them pouncing behind the dumpster at the same.

"Oh dear Mavis...Wilbur!" Virgo cried out dramatically, "WHAT did she DO to you?"

She cradled him in her arms, a solitary tear rolling down her cheek as she retrieved his Speedo and tucked it into her pocket.

"Interesting," Cana grinned, "Lucy is playing hard-to-get."

She scanned the lot, her eyes landing on the bushes across from them. Gesturing to the other girls, they stalked the bushes.

Lucy waited until they were almost at the bushes before barreling out of the dumpster, taking off in the other direction. True to the Ninja code...the girls never even saw her leave.

She could see Levy and Yukino up ahead, strolling down the street as they glanced around. They were going to see her if she didn't do something quick. Lucy surveyed the area, looking for a quick hide. She ducked behind a car, moving around it in the opposite direction as Yukino and Levy passed her. Sighing that she'd dodged the bullet, she looked for her next maneuver.

Her eyes widened, realizing in her bid to avoid Yukino and Levy, she'd almost run smack into Laki and Kinana.

Lucy glanced ahead of her, noting a tiny café on the corner. She B-lined for it anyway, well aware that that unsuspecting patrons inside would be mortified.

She burst through the door, dashing straight for the counter.

"Please hide me!" she begged the astounded waitresses, "It's my bachelorette party…they're going to make me go shopping at the sex store!"

The older woman, hair up in a bun ushered her under the counter as Cana ran down the storefront, only pausing to look in briefly.

Lucy nodded her thanks to her and the red-headed waitress beside her, who were both pretending to go straight back to work so as to not look suspicious when Virgo also paused to look in the window.

Having bought herself a few minutes, Lucy delved into Levy's purse, emptying it onto the floor. She let out a cry of relief as she came across her cell phone, dialing Natsu's number with quivering fingers.

It rang once…twice…three times. Lucy's heart was pounding as she prayed fervently for him to answer. He picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hi baby!" she whispered, "I just wanted to check in and tell you I love you…no matter what."

" _Luce, are you okay_?" She could hear the alarm in his voice.

"I'm actually in a lot of trouble," she whispered, "but don't worry…I'm safe."

" _That makes no sense_!" Natsu pleaded, " _Please! Tell me what's going on? Why are you whispering_?"

"I'm being stalked," she told him hurriedly.

She popped her head up over the counter, screeching in alarm as she realized Yukino, Laki, Virgo, Cana were making their way through the door.

"Oh my Mavis…they _found_ me! I've got to go! I love you!"

She hung up the phone, taking the time to reassemble the contents of Levy's purse as she took a deep breath and stood up. Her friends stood in a line with their arms crossed, tapping their feet.

"You brutally murdered Wilbur," Cana shook her head, "May he rest in pieces."

"And more than that...you called Natsu, didn't you?" Virgo chastised, "This calls for severe punishment."

Lucy turned red, noting the patrons of the small café all staring at the show.

"Let's go," Cana gestured toward the door, "Nothing to see here, folks! She's getting married next week…we're just showing her a good time!"

"Congratulations!" an old man called out as the women grabbed Lucy by both arms, Levy's purse strung around her neck.

"Look," Kinana said as they exited the café, "If you really don't want to have a bachelorette tonight, we'll just call it off right now."

Lucy sighed, feeling a little bad about bolting like she had...even though the stealth ninja game through the streets had been a lot of fun. The girls had gone through a lot of trouble for her.

"I just needed to hear his voice," she apologized, "It's out of my system now…promise."

Cana's face lit up, "Excellent…then let's proceed with the first event."

Lucy felt chills run through her body. Something in Cana's voice worried her…and the look on Levy's face as she reclaimed her purse told her she had _every_ right to be worried.

* * *

Lucy glanced in the mirror, really unsure that her face could get any redder.

"It's perfect!" Yukino declared, "Natsu will love it!"

Laki glanced around the shop, "You know, if we have time, I wouldn't mind buying something similar."

Lucy sighed heavily. Originally, they were only going to buy multiple boxes of condoms - in every shape, size, colour, and lubrication imaginable...but as _punishment_ for the death of Wilbur, the girls had dressed her in a red laced bodice, the bust strung together by a ribbon. She had demon horns and a devil's spear in her gloved hands. The girls had found some matching thigh-high red boots to complete the outfit.

"You are so hot," Cana told her, "As in _HELLA hot!"_

"Umm…." Lucy rolled her eyes at the bad pun.

"Sincerely badass, Princess," Virgo agreed, "I have no doubt Natsu won't mind being punished for eternity if you're wearing that.

They all paused, watching Lucy bite her lower lip, completely unsure of what to think.

"She's not sure!" Laki cut in, "Let's try the next one!"

* * *

 _5 minutes later..._

* * *

...Lucy emerged from the change room in a bunny bodice, a cute fluffy tail hanging just above her ass. Her bunny ears flopped over, her breasts filling out from the too small lingerie.

"That's hot too," Cana told her.

"You should wear that when we go bar _hopping,"_ Virgo stated in her monotonous voice.

"Try the kitty one next!" Lisanna called out.

* * *

5 minutes later...

* * *

...Lucy wore the kitty outfit – a black bodice this time with kitty ears, paws, and black calf-high boots with fishnet stockings.

"MEOW!" Lisanna taunted, "It's utterly purrrrfect!"

"Natsu won't be able to keep his _paws_ off you!" Kinana quipped.

"Mmmm...yup - he's gonna wanna pet that pussy," Laki growled.

"Fur real!" Yukino agreed, "He's gonna whisker away and we'll never see her again!"

The girls burst out laughing, making Lucy redden.

"Haven't I been punished enough?" she asked, "Sorry about Wilbur, okay!?"

"Oh no, Princess," Virgo grinned maliciously, "We're just getting started!"

* * *

5 minutes later...

* * *

...Lucy wore a pink froggy onesie.

"Can't think of a single pun," Cana dead-panned.

"Nope!" Virgo agreed, "Not a single one."

"How is this even sexy?" Lucy cried out.

"We need one that's not animal-related!" Laki decided.

* * *

5 minutes later...

* * *

...Lucy wore a sheer white nightgown that came to her thighs. The girls hooted, calling out their encouragement.

"Are we done now?" Lucy demanded.

"That's it for lingerie," Cana agreed, "I'm sure that will keep Natsu busy for awhile."

"So we're done?" Lucy sighed with relief.

"Oh no…" Virgo declared with a smirky grin, "Now it's time to shop for toys!"

Lucy keeled over, landing flat on her stomach.

"That nightgown makes her ass look great," Cana commented, making the other girls laugh.

* * *

Lucy sucked back more Moon Drip from her penis cup as the limo drove them to their next destination. Bags of lingerie and sex toys sat in the corner of the limo…they would be given to Lucy to take home later. She was more than happy that that part of the night was over, especially since Cana and Virgo had felt the need to air-demonstrate every toy they'd come across...you know...to see if any of them would fit Natsu and Lucy's needs.

"What are we doing now?" she yelled over the music.

"Dancing!" Cana shouted back.

Around her, the girls burst out laughing, causing another chill to run down Lucy's back. Dancing, huh? What kind of dancing would make the girls laugh like that?

The limo pulled to a stop. The girls downed their drinks, ushering Lucy to the door. She stumbled to the sidewalk, her Moon Drip catching up to her.

Lucy glanced up at the bar lights, flashing ' _Heels'_ precariously over the entire street. Loud music could be heard from within the establishment.

"We're dancing? At a strip bar?" she yelped.

"Trust me!" Virgo stated, her eyes flashing, "You'll thank us…or more specifically, _Natsu_ will thank us."

They filtered through the door, Lucy's face turning crimson as Cana high-fived a group of people exiting the building.

"Aranna!" Cana called, putting her hand on a woman's forearm to get her attention.

"Cana!" Aranna squealed, pulling Cana into a big hug, "You made it! So, who's the bachelorette?"

Cana stepped back, everyone pointing to Lucy. Lucy cringed.

"No worries, baby…we're gonna take care of you," Aranna promised, "Follow me."

The girls filtered into a private room, Aranna shutting the door behind them. It effectively cut out the hooping and hollering of the men in the main room where a show was currently happening.

Lucy glanced at Levy, her heart thumping with the music inside the studio as the lights dimmed and back lights came on.

"What is this?" Lucy asked nervously.

"Change her first!" Aranna insisted, pushing the girls back toward the back of the room. There was a row of costumes. The girls attacked Lucy, wrestling her to the back. A few moments later, she wore a shiny, sequined silver bikini with tassels on her breasts. Her face was beyond red...not that the other girls could tell. Their outfits were no more appropriate, Levy being the MOST embarrassed because she didn't quite fill out the top she'd chosen. Naturally, Virgo and Cana wore theirs with pride.

There were several poles in the room. All of the walls were encased with mirrors. It looked more like a ballet studio than a...

"Pick a pole," Cana said in a voice so low that Lucy wanted to die on the spot. Cana's evil grin gave Lucy chills.

Moments later, the ladies stood in front of their own poles, Aranna at the front. She lifted her leg with the crescendoing music, laying it flat against the vertical pole, then leaned back until her back arched to the floor, her breasts heaving in the air. The music changed to a more upbeat rhythm. Aranna's leg wrapped around the pole, holding her in position as she brought the other leg up, steadying herself with her hands on the floor.

"Holy shit," Lucy breathed out, her eyes threatening to pop out of her head, "This is a pole dancing class!"

On either side of her, Cana and Virgo grinned maliciously, fist bumping each other from behind Lucy's back.

Lucy was mesmerized, much to her chagrin. Her eyes were glued to Aranna as she moved her hips, circling the pole, first one way, then the other. Both hands remained on the pole as she twisted her body around it. She climbed the pole with her bare hands, securing her legs around it once she got to the top, then flipped her entire body, only holding on with her legs. The rest of her body was horizontal as she spiraled down the pole.

The music ended, Aranna dipping her head at the last beat. The lights came back on and Lucy found herself...utterly speechless.

"That was amazing!" Virgo yelled, high-fiving the dancer.

Aranna zeroed in on Lucy, "You're the bachelorette, yes?"

Lucy nodded slowly, "Good...the rest of you follow along...Lucy, you'll work with Beth."

Lucy's eyes widened as another girl joined her at the pole. She was tall and skinny, shoulder-length braided brown hair cascading over her shoulders. She wore jean overall shorts with a sports bra underneath.

"You're so young!" Levy exclaimed.

Lucy agreed - she couldn't have been older than 16 or 17.

"Don't be fooled, y'all," Beth grinned with a twinkle in her eye, "I'm 25. Now...Lucy, right? We're going to work on some specific moves for you."

Lucy tried not to stare. Beth was older than she was!

"I...can't hold myself horizontally like Aranna did," Lucy spat out, "I don't think I can pole dance at all!"

"Of course you can!" Beth grinned, "Ain't nothin' to it...just leave it to ol' Beth!"

Lucy's eyes remained wide as the other girl placed herself flush to Lucy's back.

"First thing...we gotta get those hips going," Beth told her.

Lucy glanced to Levy to beg for help, but Levy was in her own little world, concentrating on follow's Aranna's orders. She sighed heavily as Aranna's hands guided Lucy's hips, showing her how to sashay first before introducing more steps. Deciding she wasn't going to get out of it, Lucy threw herself into the lesson.

* * *

"Amazing..." Lisanna whispered in awe.

It was an hour later. The girls had re-arranged chairs so that they could watch Lucy's progress. Lucy sat with her back to them, backwards on a chair. Beth had changed her costume to a knee-length trench coat. She wore a hat on her head and sunglasses.

"LUUUCCCYYYYYYYY!" Cana hooted.

She and Virgo were beyond drunk at this point...and honestly, Lucy wished she could get another sip of her Moon Drip, but the music was starting. And SHE had a show to put on!

She waited for the introduction to finish, then pushed back the chair as she stood up, turning to her 'audience'. She touched the rim of her hat, looking left, then right, then tossed the hat into the crowd, revealing her hair done up in a long ponytail. She pulled the ponytail holder, shaking her hair loose, then moved her hips from side to side, skimming her hands down her body as she undid the buttons on the trench coat. She turned her back again, sending the sunglasses flying straight into Yukino's head. Yukino yelped, but didn't flinch much. Lucy had her friends' full attention.

The music changed again, Lucy slowly edging the trench coat down so that her shoulders were exposed. She paused, glancing over her shoulder at the gaping-mouthed audience, blowing a kiss to them. Slowly, she edged the trench coat down further, revealing her back and the sequined bra she had on.

Cana yelled her encouragement again as Lucy dropped the trench coat completely, then took a running jump at the pole beside her. She caught it with both hands almost at the top, wrapping her legs sensually around it as she slid down slowly, her neck thrown back and her breasts heaving.

"Fuck me..." Virgo whispered, "We've created a monster."

"She's a natural!" Laki retorted as Lucy turned her back to the pole, slowly sliding down with her finger in her mouth.

She righted herself, skipping around the pole slowly before hooking a leg around it and melding her body against the pole. She leaned backward, then rose to a standing position, swirling the tassels on her bra top as she moved her bosom back and forth.

"Natsu...is going to drop dead from a heart attack," Kinana stated, "We've killed him...caput...wedding's off...he is _sooo dead."_

Lucy turned her body so that her back was against the pole, shimmying down it until she squatted, then slowly backing up the pole again. Her hair was tousled, hanging in her face. The girls stared at her, mouths open...except Cana.

Cana couldn't stop laughing, "You've missed your calling, Luce! Maybe you should quit school - there's a million shrinks out there anyway!"

Lucy ignored her, finding the chair again. She sat on it backwards, going perfectly still as the song ended.

* * *

"Okay! I admit that was fun!" Lucy laughed as Levy showed her video from her cell.

The women had been awe-struck, shocked in what Lucy had learned in only an hour.

"So what are we doing now?" Lucy shouted, drinking more Moon Drip, "Awwww! The penis has run dry!"

Right away, Lisanna grabbed the penis cup, headed for the bar to get a refill, following her with her eyes until she noted the commotion up on stage.

A beautiful woman with ringleted hair and a blue bikini was talking to a young man. Lucy paused, straining her drunken eyes to see closer. She would know that young man anywhere. His tell-tale pink hair dulled in comparison with his red face.

"Natsu?" she asked, her eyes widening.

"Oh crap," Levy whispered. The girls all froze, realizing that it was _definitely_ Natsu on the stage. Natsu looked pissed drunk.

"That's Risley," Aranna told Levy and Lucy, "Don't worry - she's great."

"You love her!" Risley stated to Natsu, her face changing to that of envy, "I can see that by looking at you..."

Natsu nodded, "I would die for her."

The girls watched Lucy's face, the entire crowd stilling as they awaited Risley's reaction.

Risley snapped out of her reverie after a moment, "Okay, Natsu! Normally, we at Heel's have a very special show for bachelors, including a lap dance and maybe even a shower."

Lucy frowned, surging forward to put a stop to it right there. Levy, Virgo and Kinana restrained her.

The stripping girls lined up behind Natsu shouted out their enthusiasm. Natsu couldn't see his friends in the crowd due to the spotlight in his eyes - and he most certainly couldn't see Lucy's group - but the girls could definitely hear the bachelor party men screaming out their support as Risley came forward, revealing a red Jiffy marker.

"You love your girl," Risley yelled to the crowd, "And I can tell you're kind of...vanilla...so we're not going to do that to you today."

Lucy let out a deep sigh of relief.

Natsu glanced at Risley, his eyes widening.

"Instead!" Risley called out as each lady beside her also adorned markers of various colours, "We're just all gonna sign your ass!"

"OH MY MAVIS!" Lucy cried out, charging the stage again. The girl grabbed her arms, dragging her kicking and screaming from the building.

* * *

Lucy took another sip of her Moon Drip.

"Too bad I killed Wilbur. I'm sure he would have written on my ass," she drawled.

"Okay, be fair, Lu," Levy chided, "It's not like Natsu was a willing participant."

"That's true," Lucy sighed, "But now I have to do something stupid to make us even."

"Stupid is my middle name!" Cana exclaimed, "I can do stupid!"

"What are you in the mood for?" Virgo chimed in.

"Dancing!" Lucy exclaimed, chugging back her penis drink as they entered the limo again, "Not exotic though. I've had enough of that. Let's go find a club!"

The other girls squealed with excitement, breaking out the flutes of champagne again. Lucy was deliciously light-headed, chugging back her penis Moon Drip aggressively.

* * *

Lucy wavered on her feet. Levy had confiscated her penis drink, deciding that Lucy had definitely had enough for the night. She'd given Lucy a water bottle to drink instead.

"Where are we sleeping tonight?" Lucy yelled to Cana over the music.

"We got a hotel downtown!" Cana shouted back.

"Are you getting tired?" Kinana asked.

Lucy shook her head, slamming her water bottle down on the table, "Hell no! I was just wondering! I wanna DANCE!"

There was a significant amount of shouting in agreement to that as the girls headed for the dance floor. They spread out in a circle, taking turns in the middle to dance solo. Other people in the ground joined the edges of the circle, then suddenly before Lucy even realized it, the entire dance floor had joined them.

"LEVY!" Lucy yelled, reaching her hand out across the circle.

Levy grinned, extending her hand as well. They met in the middle, mirroring each other's movements, then bowed out so that Virgo and Cana could take over.

"What's all the noise over there?" Kinana asked, pointing to the corner of the bar.

"Bachelor party!" Laki yelled back, "Magnolia is filled with people getting married soon!"

Lucy's ears perked up at the mention of 'bachelor party'. Her eyes widened as she strained to get a look at the other party. Her entire face fell as she realized it wasn't Natsu's bachelor party at all. She could see the bachelor amongst his friends. He was a taller fellow...and she immediately felt sorry for him. He wore a dress with an ugly wig, tampons, pads, and condoms attached everywhere on an ugly hat.

"They should dance!" Virgo cried out.

Cana's face lit up as she pushed Lucy toward the corner. Lucy reached for Levy's hands, protesting profusely.

The party in the corner of the bar had gotten wind of the bachelorette party, also pushing their bachelor forward. The two groups met in the middle, Lucy's face bright red.

"Um...h-hi," the bachelor stuttered. He was tall and his skin was a creamy brown. Lucy had a fleeting thought that he was good-looking, then dismissed it.

"Hi," Lucy mumbled back.

"DANCE DANCE DANCE!" the crowd yelled.

Lucy was starting to feel very hot. The room was too crowded - and she'd had way too much to drink. The bachelor offered his arm, gesturing toward the dance floor. She took it meekly, following him with a vengeful look over her shoulder.

"I'm Ren!" he shouted over the crowd.

"Lucy!" Lucy called back, noting her friends and the bachelor party had pretty much forgotten about them and were now dancing on their own.

"So...when are you getting married?" he asked.

"Next week!" Lucy replied, "You?"

"Two weekends from now!" Ren replied.

"Was your bachelor party...nasty?" Lucy asked.

Ren shook his head, "Naw...I got off easy. I just had to wear the stupid hat. Some other poor schmuck had to wear a dress with Lifesavers all over it."

Lucy shook her head, "It's a stupid tradition, isn't it? My fiance's party is tonight too! We just came from 'Heels'...the strippers signed his ass."

"Really?" Ren laughed, "My fiancé is getting her nails done somewhere. She's obsessed with the love thing. Everything has to be perfect to reflect our love. If strippers signed my ass, there'd be hell to pay."

"I'm not looking for him to have hell to pay," Lucy admitted, "But I wouldn't mind a little revenge."

She held up a marker.

"Don't suppose you'd sign my ass for me, wouldja?" she quipped.

They stared into each other's eyes for a long moment, Ren trying to figure out if she was serious. They both cracked up as Ren took the marker from her, signing her forearm instead.

Lucy gave him an appreciative smile, "I hope your fiance appreciates you - you're a really nice guy...and I hope she has a great time tonight getting pampered."

"I'm not worried," Ren told her, "She's too sweet to get into too much trouble. Are you worried about your fiance?"

"Naw," Lucy sighed, "If anything, Natsu should probably be more worried about me. The girls decided to send me out of single life with a bang. First, we went to the spa, now they're getting me drunk as shit. But he knows I'd never do anything too rash. I love him too much and I don't think the girls would push me that far anyway."

Ren glanced over to his boys, dancing with the ladies of Lucy's bachelorette, "I know the feeling."

He eyed her as she waned on her feet.

"Hey...are you okay?"

Lucy felt the temperature in the room soar again. The room was spinning. She vaguely heard Ren call for her friends before staggering and falling forward. Levy caught her, smoothing her sweaty bangs back from her eyes.

"I'm too hot and too drunk!" Lucy told Levy, "I need to cool off! Can we go for a swim at the beach please?"

"We don't have swim suits," Levy stated, "They'll be back at the hotel by now!"

"I just need to cool off," Lucy repeated, allowing Levy to support her as they headed for the exit of the bar.

A wicked grin crossed Cana's face, "Great idea! EVERYBODY! LET'S MOVE THIS PARTY TO THE BEACH!"

Ren's bachelor party exchanged glances, cheering out their agreement as everyone moved toward the door.

"This...isn't exactly what I meant," Lucy murmured to Levy.

Levy was scanning the crowd with alarmed eyes, "Who _are_ all these people anyway? There's got to be almost a hundred people!"

"Relax!" Cana grinned, coming between Levy and Lucy and throwing an arm around both, "Lucy _said_ she wanted to do something stupid, right?"

They arrived at the beach about 15 minutes later. Lucy realized the fresh air had done wonders to sober her up a bit.

"Okay...so we're here," Levy bit her lip nervously, "What's the plan now?"

Both Levy and Lucy gawked at clothing started to fly, people bounding into the water.

"Ummm...should we join them?" Levy asked, her face losing its colour.

"C'MON LUCY!" Cana yelled, grabbing Lucy's shirt and pulling it over her head, whether she wanted it off or not.

"Allow me to help you with your bra, Princess," Virgo offered, reaching for the straps.

"NO THANK YOU!" Lucy squealed, reaching for her own strap.

Soon, Lucy stood completely naked between Levy and Virgo, wanting to die.

"Are we really going to do this?" she asked, "I'm not going to be sick anymore."

Levy smiled, watching the bobbing heads of the swimmers. They were having a great time. The women screamed and played with each other...most of the men from the bachelor party participating with huge, HUGE smiles on their faces.

"Let's do it, Lu...for once in our lives, we should be spontaneous."

Lucy nodded, grabbing Levy's hand as they ran into the water together.

They were separated almost immediately. The jumping bodies coming between them. Lucy found herself underwater for a moment. She jumped up, realizing she was still too drunk to be doing anything like swimming amongst 100 people. She scanned the area for a retreat, making her way slowly toward the rock ledge that separated the beach from the docks next door.

Once in awhile, she'd catch sight of someone she knew from her bachelorette party, but it was becoming increasingly more obvious that most of the occupants of the beach didn't belong to her party at all. She was still drunk and she knew it. The Moon Drip, being as powerful as it was, was clouding her brain. She was starting to feel the chill of the water. She glanced back at the beach, wondering if she could get to her clothes without running into someone she didn't know. It was a long ways up there. Either way, she was 'done' and just wanted to find a safe place to sleep now.

She tried to move forward, screeching a bit when a dark-haired man appeared in front of her seemingly out of nowhere. His body was covered by the water, but Lucy realized he was probably buck naked too. She backed up, her eyes wide in alarm.

"It's okay, Lucy," he said soothingly, "I'm only here to tell you to keep an eye out for Natsu. He's trying to find you."

They locked eyes, the dark-haired man smiling at her. The sincerity behind his eyes melted her a bit.

"Natsu's here?" she exclaimed excitedly, already scanning the crowd.

He watched her, a proud smile on his face, "Yeah...he'll find you soon. Just wanted to say, I'm really proud of both of you. I hope you have long, happy lives together."

"Thank you," she said, frowning slightly, "I'm sorry...do you know us?"

Dark-haired man smiled.

He winked, then moved off into the crowd.

She watched him disappear, a little surprised at the nostalgic feeling she was left with. She thought about going after him...her curiosity bit at her. He'd seemed so familiar...and yet, she knew she'd never seen him before.

"LUCE!"

Lucy stilled, scanning the water for the voice she'd know anywhere. Her body suddenly stopped being cold as she locked eyes with Natsu, both crashing through the water to get to each other. Their bodies smashed together. Lucy reveled in it. As much fun as her weekend had been, she had only really ever wanted to be in Natsu's arms.

"It's not what it looks like!" Lucy cried out in alarm, realizing she was naked...in a sea full of naked people.

Natsu laughed, "I'm not sure what other explanation there could be..."

She rolled her eyes, chuckling. She'd forgotten this was Natsu she was dealing with... "Okay...it's what it looks like. We're skinny-dipping. But a bunch of people heard our plan at the bar and they all followed us. I just didn't want you to think they were all invited."

"Strippers wrote on my ass," he told her, "You forgive me and I'll forgive you?"

She nodded emphatically.

Natsu glanced around the jumping swimmers, "I think we can escape, Luce...unless you want to finish your bachelorette."

"Hell no!" she had never loved Natsu more than she loved him in that moment. Fun was fun...but all she wanted to do was go with Natsu now, "Let's get the hell outta here!"

He grabbed her elbow, steering her along the rock face for the shore, "Where are your clothes?"

She groaned, jumping back as a swimmer bolted in front of them, then changed direction.

"Up there somewhere," she gestured to the beach, "I think we should just take what we can find."

Natsu nodded his agreement, then halted, throwing a protective arm backward to keep her behind him.

"Mavis," Lucy whispered, hunkering down in the water as four police squad cars rolled onto the beach, sirens wailing.

Natsu pulled her against the rock wall, keeping her behind his back. They were out of the way of the headlights there. If they stayed still, no one would notice them.

Spotlights went up within seconds, illuminating all the people in the water...except for Natsu and Lucy.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN," a familiar voice called out over the loud speaker, "The beach is now closed to skinny-dipping. Kindly exit the water and report to the beach for your clothing."

"That's Alzack!" Lucy gasped.

Natsu chuckled. It was deep, dark sound - almost evil.

"Looks like all my captors are about to have a dose of their own medicine!" he cackled, "The cops have all been busted!"

True to his word, Lucy could swear she saw the bright red faces of Sting, Yukino, Rogue, and Wakaba even in the dark. The cops were the last ones in the water, probably a bit afraid to have to face their colleagues.

"What are they going to charge us with?" Gildarts demanded, throwing his arms high in the air. He was in waist-deep water. Some girls that Natsu didn't think were part of the bachelorette swooned, "Scaring the fish? Get lost, Coppers!"

Natsu face-palmed as several officers crashed the water, arresting Gildarts and beginning to herd the remaining swimmers toward the beach.

"Chief?" he heard another officer ask, confused as heck, "Um...Assistant Chief?"

Lucy had to cover Natsu's mouth to keep the snort from being too loud. The water was empty now. All swimmers were on the beach, trying to identify their clothing.

"Let's go around the rock face and make our escape," Natsu suggested.

Lucy nodded, taking his hand and following him into the darkness.

They swam around the corner into the harbour, skimming the shoreline for a good place to get out. Natsu gestured to a houseboat at the edge of a dock. There was a ladder next to it. Lucy nodded, following him.

He let her up first, laughing when she crouched to cover up her nakedness.

"Same boat, baby," Natsu said, gesturing to his own nakedness, "Pardon the pun."

Lucy groaned, "I've heard many, _many_ bad puns tonight…trust me – yours is the best I've heard all night."

He grabbed her hand, scanning the harbour for a secluded way out.

"Good thing we're stealth ninjas," he murmured.

She laughed, "Trust me… _that's_ come into play a few times tonight too!"

They ran down the dock to the end, since there wasn't actually another way around without getting back into the water, then skirted the edge of the dockhouse to the treeline.

On the other side of the divide, they could still hear the cops shouting out orders on their megaphones and the pandemonium caused by the 100-some people still scrambling to find their clothes.

Natsu snickered out loud and a very drunk Sting and Gildarts tried to explain to Alzack and company why they were skinny-dipping with 100 strangers. He really wished he could hear what they were saying.

"We'll find different clothes," Lucy suggested, "I don't think we should go back there."

Natsu nodded, "Okay."

There was an unlocked car near the clubhouse. Natsu cautioned Lucy to stay in the bush, ducking behind it so he could peer in the windows.

"We're in luck, Luce!" he whispered, pointing into the window, "Pretty sure this is Rogue's car! We all walked to the beach, but he drove in case there was someone too drunk to get back to the hotel."

Lucy grinned. A moment later, Natsu ran back to the bushes, diving in head-first as one of the cop cars left the beach.

"Shit," he complained, rubbing the scratches on his sides tenderly, "Note to self: It's not smart to ninja-dive into a bush while naked."

Lucy snickered as he handed her a huge Hawaiian shirt and jeans so big she could probably fit into one leg.

"These won't fit," she whispered.

"Here…trade me."

Lucy lifted the garment Natsu passed her, noting it was an ugly gray dress. There were only a couple Lifesavers sewn to it now. Most had been sucked off or broken during the night.

"Buck-A-Suck?" Lucy asked, raising an eyebrow.

Natsu groaned, "I'll tell you tomorrow. Let's go."

Lucy burst out laughing as he stepped out of the bush. The Hawaiian shirt reached almost to his knees. The jeans were falling off his hips. Natsu grinned, then searched through Rogue's car, triumphantly holding up a belt he found.

They joined hands again, keeping to the treeline as they exited the area.

* * *

"Do you know where your hotel room is?" Lucy asked, "I have no clue where the girls rented for us, but our apartment is probably an hour away by foot. You said you walked here, right?"

Natsu nodded, picking up the pace, "I recognize that bar…we refilled on Moon Drip there. We're going in the right direction."

Lucy's stomach growled. Natsu glanced at her, stifling a laugh.

"Didn't they feed you, Luce?"

Lucy shook her head, "We didn't get to that part. First was dancing, then the next thing I knew, we were heading for the beach."

He gestured to a small diner across the street, "C'mon. Let's see if they have something you can snack on."

Lucy laughed, realizing it was the same diner that had hidden her earlier in the evening, "I'm great friends with the waitresses there. I'm sure they'll find something for us."

The door chimed as Natsu and Lucy entered together. It was mostly empty now. All the patrons from earlier that evening were gone. The older waitress's face lit up, then turned into a frown as she surveyed the clothes Natsu and Lucy were wearing.

"You're back!" the red-headed waitress greeted them.

"Thank you for helping me earlier," Lucy smiled.

"Did you have to shop at the –" the older waitress asked.

"Yes!" Lucy interrupted, not ready to divulge that part of the evening to Natsu yet, "But I did eventually escape my bachelorette…my dragon came for me."

Both waitresses sighed, admiring the way Natsu held her hand. The couple looked decidedly odd, dressed the way they were. Their hair was still drenched from the lake. Both waitresses were sure there was a story behind their appearances, but not one that they would know anytime soon. Either way, the way they tenderly held each other radiated with love. Something about this couple was special.

"We're hungry," Natsu said, gesturing to Lucy, "But we kind of…don't have any money."

"Don't you worry about that, dears," the older waitress assured them, "It's wonderful to see a young couple so in love."

The red-headed waitress disappeared into the back for a moment, plunking down a large piece of cherry pie between Natsu and Lucy a moment later with two forks.

"Thank you," Natsu smiled, "We'll pay you for it tomorrow."

Both waitresses shook their heads.

"It looks like after the night you've both had, maybe a little kindness is coming to you," the red-head said, "It's on the house."

Natsu and Lucy nodded their thanks, each reaching for the fork in front of them.

Natsu put some cherry pie on his fork, catching Lucy's eye as her stomach growled again. He put the fork to her lips, watching her sigh softly as she took the first bite.

"It's so good, Natsu," she hummed. She used her fork to take another forkful, this time feeding him the delightful treat.

Natsu closed his eyes, savouring the flavour, "So good."

They went silent, feeding each other random bites between taking their own. They were totally oblivious to the waitresses watching in awe from the counter.

"Did you have fun tonight, Luce?" Natsu asked.

She nodded, "The whole weekend was fantastic…but towards the end, all I wanted was to be with you."

He leaned forward, kissing her lips softly, "I missed you."

"I missed you too," she murmured, pulling him back for a second kiss, "And I'm glad the boys got you out tonight too…did you have fun?"

Natsu shrugged, "Maybe. I don't remember half the night already. I know strippers signed my ass…and I'm pretty sure you're wearing my dress. They had me drinking some crazy drink. My memory is hazy."

She laughed, "Sounds like we could have been drinking the same thing…Moon Drip?"

He nodded, threading his fingers through hers as she finished the last bites, "And the highlights of your evening?"

She blushed, "I have some new…skills."

"Skills?" he laughed, "Please enlighten me."

She blushed again, "I learned to dance."

The pie was gone now, and although Natsu wanted nothing more than to ask her to elaborate, he realized the waitresses had dimmed the lights. They were trying to close, but weren't about to kick Natsu and Lucy out.

"We should go," he said softly.

Lucy nodded, turning to the waitresses, "Thank you for everything. We'll come back for lunch some day soon."

The red-headed waitress followed them to the door, "Good luck to you both. You are a very beautiful couple…and I can you'll be very happy together."

"Thank you," Natsu and Lucy both said, exiting the café together.

"So…which way is your hotel room?" Lucy asked.

Natsu looked up and down the street. Even the bars were closing now. The tell-tale neon lights were dimmed…and that made it hard for him to decipher where they were. Just ahead of them, a neon light flickered, triggering a memory in Natsu's brain.

"That way," he said softly. He took her hand, leading her down the street.

* * *

The Angels sat out on the veranda of the hotel room in the hot tub. Natsu and Lucy had been let into the hotel room even without keys. The bellboy remembered Natsu and his Buck-A-Suck dress very well and had opened the door for them. Now, Natsu and Lucy were tearing each other's clothes off, heading into the master bedroom…and the Angels could relax for the first time that night.

"I wish I had had the opportunity to have a bachelorette," Erza sighed, loving the feeling of the jets on her back.

Juvia nodded, running her toes down Gray's thigh underneath the water, "So many earthly experiences none of us got to explore…but I'm not unsatisfied. Somehow, seeing Natsu and Lucy together makes it all worthwhile."

"In a lot of ways," Jellal added, putting his arm around Erza, "It was becoming Angels that brought all of us together."

Levy nodded, "Maybe we didn't get the Earthly experiences, but other experiences make up for it."

Gajeel harrumphed, looking out over the city, but he squeezed Levy's thigh underneath the water.

"Well, they're safe for tonight," Jellal concluded, "That was a stroke of genius, subconsciously triggering memories in Natsu's mind. Hopefully they'll both sleep tonight."

"What happened to the rest of the bachelor party?" Gray asked.

"They're still in the slammer," Gajeel chuckled, "Seems that Alzack and some of the other cops thought putting Sting and Rogue in the drunk tank for the night would get them back for some of the pranks they pulled."

"You pulled those pranks too!" Levy accused him, her finger pointed straight at him.

Gajeel shrugged, "Yeah, well…I'm an Angel. They won't even know I'm gone. I'll just go back before morning."

The others laughed.

"And the girls?" Jellal asked.

"Cana and Virgo are in the drunk tank too," Erza reported, "The rest of the girls went to Natsu and Lucy's place. They have a few 'gifts' they want Natsu and Lucy to come home to."

"Gifts?" Gray asked, "What kind of gifts?"

Erza, Juvia and Levy exchanged knowing glances.

"We'll tell you later," Juvia said finally, "In private."

* * *

 _ **A/N: Well? Hope it was as fun to read as it was to write! Please remember to leave a comment. There will be an epilogue coming out at some point. Enjoy your weekend, everyone! I'm off to Abbotsford. My daughter has a training camp for her jump rope team...and I'm learning to judge competitions...should be interesting, right?**_

 _ **Seeya next time!**_


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